If you’re anything like me, you have thoughts you deem worth sharing. But being willing to hear the thoughts of others – and not listening only to respond – has become all but a lost art. When asked if they are a good listener, impossibly high amounts of people report that they are, which is factually errant because you can’t have a majority above average. Part of this is due to the Dunning-Krueger effect, which explains how low-skilled people tend to view themselves as competent without factual proof.

Genuine listening requires that you sit down and intentionally consider the speaker, and this has become less and less commonplace the more digital communication has taken over. Internet commodities have attacked listening habits further, with 66 percent of workers tuning out conference calls in favor of email, and 35 percent of them distracting themselves with IMing friends and coworkers.

All of this begs some overdue questions: why are we so bad at listening, and how can we get better? Also, have cultural factors dragged individuals deeper into poor listening skills? How do we get ourselves out of this hole? Why is listening so important? This article will address each of these questions, and a few strategies you can apply today to become a more efficient listener.

Genuine Listening Challenges The Brain

Listening is harder than other tasks because the parts of our brain that process vision are more developed than that of hearing or smelling, for example. Harvard researchers have also found that most people forget about one third to one half of a presentation or conversation within eight hours. These are startling facts because it proves you need to be a deeply invested listener to be both respectful and make use of what you’ve heard.

Another reason listening is difficult is it requires you to be thinking ahead, and to place your own presuppositions aside. To truly listen to what a person is saying, it’s vital to understand a person can see the world differently from you, and to derive meaningful conclusions from their speech.

Listening In The Internet Age

Ever since websites like MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter allowed virtually anyone to publish their thoughts for the world, it became just as easy to tune anyone out. When you can broadcast your thoughts to anyone, the coherence of your argument becomes that much more necessary for your voice to be heard, lest those who are listening to you get bored or agitated and turn to someone who’s more appealing to them.

As a result, the lack of conscientious listening has risen parallel to social media. Back when the Internet did not exist, people relied on face-to-face conversations and relationships to support their sense of self and social life. You had to treat relationships with greater legitimacy because you couldn’t just Skype with your British, Japanese, or African friend. Now that the Internet is pervasive in nearly every aspect of modern culture, you can drop conversations – and the dignity of listening – at a moment’s notice, in favor of someone who will give you the approval you’re seeking.

And that’s exactly the thing: listening is a sacrifice of personal time, and that time is spent pouring energy into someone else. But this is also how friendships are built and maintained. No one wants to be “friends” with someone who only talks about themselves, and your friendship grows in meaning as you both share traits and inclinations that allow you to truly connect. No meaningful relationship deepens without frequent sharing, and frequent sharing involves frequent listening.

Listening Benefits You, Too

Being an efficient listener doesn’t just benefit the speaker; it largely benefits you, too. Just a few benefits of being a great listener are:

1. You’re more likely to be well-liked by others.
2. You’re more likely to understand your social surroundings.
3. You’re more likely to have an accurate view of the world.
4. You’re more likely to become a better communicator.

4 Tips For Becoming A Better Listener

Now that we’ve covered how and why listening doesn’t usually come naturally, it’s time to examine the mechanics of genuine listening. During your next conversation, try out at least one of these tips:

1. Stop and think: “Would I want someone listening to me if I were sharing this information?”
2. Afford “full body listening” for the person speaking. Put your phone down, make eye contact, nod periodically, and use “open” body language (no folded arms or frowns).
3. Let the speaker finish their thought before speaking. Interrupting is disrespectful and counterproductive.
4. Ask the speaker questions if you don’t understand anything. It shows respect and that you value their thoughts.

Listening better is just like any other habit: you need to care about it mentally and practice it regularly. Our society won’t become grateful to learn from each other until we’re willing to listen to each other. Dale Carnegie popularized how you can make more friends in two weeks by being interested in others, than you can in two years by getting other people to be interested in you. These words have never rung truer than 2018, and it’s up to individuals to prioritize healthy listening in daily relationships. This is the only way the outward “ripple effect” takes place.

Healthy, meaningful relationships and communities depend on intentional listeners. For the sake of understanding others better and helping them understand you, use a conversation today to become a better listener.